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Growing up, I was what could be called an "extreme tom boy". I was adopted and an only child so I was very lucky growing up as I was allowed the "boys toys” to play with. I used to get in trouble at school for fighting and general naughty antics and I used to pretend I was twins named "Alex" and "Andrew"
I refused to go in and answer to my mother's calls of my birth name. As a child I could be more like my true gender, but as I got to teenage years it all started to conflict. I couldn't face doctors and ran out not attending. My mum put it down to me being shy, but now we know gender body dysphoria.
I was attracted to Matt Goss, Boris, and Take That's Robbie during my early teens but I think I realised that was because I thought I'd grow up like that or wanted to look like them. At 15 I had a crush on a female friend, though I couldn't handle it very well. I thought maybe I'm a lesbian but tried it and still was body shy. I felt self hatred about my body and felt sick. I’ve only had two proper relationships both with straight women but in my teens I had booze and drug problems, I was in out of jobs and in trouble with the law many times.
I couldn't quite be myself unless drunk or off my head. One evening in despair of drugs, I thought I needed to have child to stabilise myself and continue the bloodline. I found a sperm donor and had my son in 2007. He gave me purpose and I cleaned up my act. As he grew older ( he's 10 now ) I saw myself in him and he brought back childhood memories.
I saw My Trans Summer and it clicked, “That was me.”. I felt slightly envious of Lewis in the show as I didn't think I could transition and I only knew MTF trans people. Later I'd meet real life trans people and feeling become stronger and clearer. Once I was sober and clean I ended up in therapy and it came out and confirmed my feelings. After coming out I went full steam ahead with my transition. Now I'm over two years on hormones, just been referred for top surgery, and wanting lower surgery (phalloplasty). I've been single for a long time and that's not likely to change until post op as I am still highly dysphoric, but feeling better each day because I’m always a step closer to where I want to be. It's more common now and think if I were a child now it would have been picked up on, but I'm glad I did and am doing it my way as lessons have been learnt on the way. I've met such wonderful people who are like myself and am grateful to all who have and do support my journey.